Randomness: Conditional Celibacy

I decided to officially put celibacy on hold for a little bit. I think its best if I just stop kidding myself. I’m only conditionally celibate meaning, when I don’t have a good offer in front of my face or I’m not interested in someone I’m celibate. The minute a set of good circumstances present themselves my odds of swingin from the ceiling fan increase exponentially. I decided this about two months ago and ever since then, getting some action has been even harder! I can’t win for loosing.

Forget Mars, men are from Ur-anus.

I’m too nice. If I was a bytch maybe dudes would appreciate me then.

Last Sunday I was leaving for church and I heard neighbor and a very lucky lady GETTING IT IN. I mean I could hear bodies slapping together, moaning and screaming like I was in the same room. I wanted to go downstairs, knock on the door and say “Oooh!! Ooh!! My turn! My turn! Me next!” lol. Needless to say I was late to church that morning. I’m still not interested though.

I’m trying to figure out the difference between comfort and disinterest. I understand things must and always do change, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. Insecurities abound.

My new favorite word is “infatuation”. It’s the stage of getting to know someone where your conversations with friends start to go something like this:

Them: I went to the movies last night.
You: Really? John and I were just talking about going to the movies last week!

Them: I love the smell of fresh cut grass.
You: John LOVES the color green…and you know grass is green.

Them: I think any candidate who runs for president will have to outline a plan for bringing troops home from Iraq that can garner bipartisan support.
You: You know John was student body president in high school.

Ha!! I’m addicted to infatuation! I rarely ever make it past this stage. Either I lose complete interest in the guy or ish just follows its course naturally and falls apart. I wonder why that is…

Phone sex can be JUST AS SATISFYING as the real thing with the right person.

If you don’t want me then don’t talk to me…
Go ahead and free yourself
If you don’t want me then don’t talk to me…
Go ahead to someone else

I’ve had to sing that one too many times. Ever before the song came out.

I’m moving Saturday!! Bye-bye privacy!