Old habits die hard...

I don't know what it is, but it seems like every time I break things off with someone I like, old dudes that I don't really like that much start coming out of the wood works. It's as if they can smell when my attention is no longer aimed in one direction. And honestly, their timing couldn't be better because it ultimately feeds my bad habit. I work on an "out of sight, out of mind" basis when I need to get over someone and I am NOTORIOUS for using other men to help facilitate this. I don't use it when I've been seriously hurt...wait yes I do, or at least I have...but I've found that it works for me. It's a simple formula really; one guy tells me no, so I look for two...or three guys to tell me yes lol. I know that ultimately I'm just looking for validation and acceptance. And as much as I'd like it to be the case that what I tell myself and/or what my friends tell me is enough, It's not when I'm feeling the sting of rejection. After all, my friends are biased and so am I, but strange men? Not so much lol.

Today it dawned on me though; this technique has two MAJOR flaws. The first: while distracting myself with another man may help me forget about whoever I'm trying to get over, its also has the potential to keep a window open for their return. It's public enemy number one in my revolving door of a love life. I forget about them, the pain of heartbreak/sting of disappointment goes away, but I don't always let go completely. It's a HUGE problem since the ones who come back are generally the MAIN ones that need to be let go of forever and never seen again. Man talk about HEA-VY. The second flaw: if I don't find the right distraction, it just makes me think of the person even more. I have to be interested in a guy on his own merit not just because he's there for the time being. If I'm not interested, I start to think things like "I wish I was hearing this from him" or "That's exactly what I want to do, just not with you." It defeats the purpose.

I think this might be cause for a New Year's resolution lol.

I don't need to take some "me time" right now because honestly it wasn't THAT deep, but I do recognize that some of my behavior as of late stems from me feeling a bit dejected. I kind of went on auto pilot today and didn't realize what I was doing until it was almost too late. PLUS, I was INCREDIBLY HOR-NY which tends to be blinding in itself lol.

Natedogg has been sniffing around lately. I stopped talking to him for the most part back in early November and in one of our sporadic conversations since then, I mentioned that I had a new friend so he really fell back. I guess he got his Popeye on and ate some spinach today because he hit me up and was coming on STRONG. He has his moments and I usually shut him down, but not today. I entertained him a bit too much. I even encouraged something that I know I shouldn't have. He sent me a "picture" if ya know what I mean lol. I was not impressed in the least bit (Why would you send a pic of yourself semi-hard if your a grower not a shower and your trying to entice me? But I digress lol). He was talkin all kinds of wreckless about us getting it in and asking me what I wanted and what I would do to him and I let him! I even answered some of his questions! He started talking about making arrangements for us to hook up at the end of the week and get a hotel room. That's when I snapped out of it...well I snapped out of it when I got that disappointing pic, but this really brought me back to reality lol. I was like umm...dude hold up..."You can't get yourself together to take me out but you want me to meet you half way so we can get a room?" His response to that..."Oh of course we'll go somewhere near by and eat before anything pops off." WOW. GTFOH! I aint THAT horny and your pic wasn't that good. He even had the NERVE to tell me that we never decided on where we were going to go before. Umm...what about Shoe Heaven? I reminded him of his offer from months ago and he actually said he wasn't aware of a place around here called "Shoe Heaven". WOW. If you gonna lie, you should probably keep your lies straight smh. I was done. I'm in a selfish mood and I want to be serviced something lovely, but he doesn't even deserve that honor. Why I do this to myself, I don't even know.

At the same time, I was chatting with Prince Akeem. Remember him from months and months back? I haven't talked to him since about September because he started school and his time online has been really limited between that and working. Just to briefly refresh your memory, he's African, a grad student studying pharmacy stuff at Temple (that was so technical right? lol), he's got a daughter, his peoples got crazy loot...and he's MARRIED. Separated, but still married none the less. I don't think this has changed and I probably should have checked on the status of his divorce before I agreed to go to dinner with him. See months ago, I wouldn't even talk to him on the phone until his divorce was final. Today I was feeling myself and he was feeling me, so when he asked I said yes. Yeah I'm trippin. We're supposed to go out Friday. I don't even remember what he looks like but I figure if I started talking to him in the first place he can't be that bad. We'll see. Other than these two incidents, I've been pretty well behaved lol.

In other sightings...

The whiny guy that lives in North Carolina was in town for the holidays and wanted to hook up with me. I didn't avoid him or anything, but it just didn't happen. I'm not broken up about that one lol. I never talked to him after our last conversation. I guess he no longer wanted me to visit and no longer had something he wanted to talk to me about lol.

I received two calls in the same day from guys that I completely forgot about and never expected to hear from again. The first guy I met last year about this time. I never saw him after our initial meeting and I had no desire to. I wasn't interested enough to call him but I wasn't disinterested enough to dodge his phone calls. He was cool, but he was hella young and talking to him was like talking to a braggadocios little cousin with a foul mouth. He stopped calling me about 6 months ago but he called me today and was busting it up like we talk on the daily. Umm...whatever. I'm still not interested and I still don't believe you own a restaurant. Nope, not buying it.

The other guy that called me is someone that I met at church last August or so. A lady in the church told me that she wanted me to meet this young man who was a nice guy, in school and worked for Microsoft. My curiosity was piqued but I still gave her the side eye because I aint trust it. She was like "It's not a hook up, I just wanted you to meet him so he can see there are some nice young ladies in the church." I fell for the okie doke smh. Next Sunday he came to my church and she introduced us. I was ready to RUN in the other direction, but we were in church and I'm sure there's a scripture about running indoors lol. He was Steve Urkel reincarnated. I took solace in the fact that this wasn't a hook up when he started to talk my ear off and I couldn't get away. I finally was able to escape, but not without giving up all of my damn information. *sigh* I'm sure there's a scripture about not giving out fake numbers so I was stuck! I tried to give him just the home number because I never answered it, but dude ASKED for the cell AND my email address smh. I thought he was going to ask for my social security number too! And when I did talk to him, I found out that he lived at home, USED to go to community college, didn't work for Microsoft at all, but worked for a software STORE. PLUS he was like three years younger than me smh. That heffa!! I still haven't forgiven her for that one. I'm almost insulted that she thought I'd be interested but I digress. I ducked and dodged him like the PLAGUE! It didn't work either because he called RELENTLESSLY and even started showing up at my church on Sunday! I finally had to tell him that I was seeing someone and that things were getting pretty serious so I didn't think it was fair to keep talking to him because I would be in a relationship very soon. It wasn't a lie, but that relationship never panned out lol. That was about last September. Why he STILL has my number and felt compelled to use it is a mystery to me but I made sure I mentioned that I no longer reside in Philly and that I will very soon be moving to MD just in case he has any ideas lol. As far as he's concerned I don't do long distance romances lol.

None of them are exactly what I had in mind by way of a distraction so I need to do some housekeeping. I'm really not trying to bring old garbage into a new year. Prince Akeem seems the most promising (whew that man talks a sweet game) but as long as he's somebodies husband I'm keeping my distance. I'm leaving soon so none of this matters anyway.