The Randomness: Slowin it Down

Things are SLOW right now. I’ve yet to talk to neighbor at any length although after spending three straight days in the house I came out to my car only to peel tape and the corners of a sheet of paper off my window. I didn’t have any new dents so I can only suspect that he left me a lil note and saw it still there after some length of time and took it off. Or maybe one of the bad behind lil kids in my complex peeled it off before I could get to it. In any event, I called twice, got no answer, left no message and that’s that. I’m officially no longer interested. Its not because of anything he did or didn’t do, I’m just no longer interested in getting to know him.

I think I’ve finally gotten to a point where I want to close my yahoo and match.com accounts. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve never followed through. I’m just so over the whole online dating thing. I did get a note from a REALLY cute white guy that I would have loved to start chatting with, but he left me his email and those bastids at Yahoo blanked it out. For no particular reason, I’ve never dated a white guy before and he was the first one to hit me up that wasn’t creepy, old, or just flat out not my type. Oh well I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I got another note from a cutie who gave me his yahoo IM, but I was annoyed by the fact that he Typed An Entire Paragraph Like This. Actually He Typed Two Like This. Who Does That? And after doing it, I’m even more annoyed because it’s a lot of work to type this badly lol.

I think I’m in a funk or I’m at the point where my singleness has become EXTREMELY comfortable. It’s not that I don’t want to be bothered or anything, I’m just chillin. Maybe I’ll hit up Mr. Types Like This in a week or two lol.

I had the urge to text Batman last night. Not for anything of substance but because I was watching the funniest show on earth, The Office, and since I put him onto it, I was wondering if he was watching it too. It was way to funny and I needed to know if anyone was laughing as hard as I was. Then I thought better of it and decided not to. I’d deleted his phone number about a week after seeing him and not hearing from him so I couldn’t do it anyway.

I realized the other day much to my delight that I am SOOOO OVER C!! I don’t miss him at ALL. I don’t even miss those few happy moments we shared. It feels SO GOOD.

I noticed I can be a bit of a meanie to guys I’m not feeling. I do it all in jest, but it comes from a very serious place. I mean it would probably be easier for me to tell dudes to get away instead of holding them at arms length and giving them attitude disguised as sarcasm, but I can’t seem to do that. And they seem to LOVE the attitude. Something is wrong with us all. I mean I really do seem to only value what I have to work for and I guess it’s the same for them. I can only think of maybe two guys I’ve dealt with that I didn’t have to work for and the feelings were mutual. Am I psycho or is this really something we all do?

The other day, I had an upset stomach and three different people asked me if I was pregnant...within the span of one hour. Apparently a woman can’t have a stomach ache without being preggers. It was really uncomfortable, so I went to the supermarket at 12am for saltines and ginger ale. While I was in line, the cashier says “Someone has an upset stomach. Those purchases are dead giveaways.” I laughed it off and then the woman in front of me says “When are you due?” Hun? Wha? WTF?!! Yo lady, don’t be sendin that pregnant mojo over here!! So I kindly said “Oh nooooo!! Not me! I am NOT pregnant.” and she says “Are you sure?” WHAT?!! Yo lady!! Back up off me!! For a second she made me stop and think! Man I couldn’t get out of that store fast enough. Now my best friend is talking bout I should get a pregnancy test. Haven’t we been down this road before? I had sex once and used a condom people!! Twice if you count round two in the morning, and once again I used a condom!!

Speaking of which, I’ve had sex a total of three/four times in the past year. That makes me so sad.

Santa Does Exist!!

I didn’t talk to Neighbor for like two days after our first convo. I didn’t see his car in the lot either and began to wonder if he was ducking me or something. See?! I’m way to neurotic for this lol. After one conversation, I was already convinced that he really lives in the building with his wife and that he was just tryna be sneaky and got found out lol. In my defense, that’s almost what happened with the guy that used to live down the hall from me.

Any who…the other night, I came home and jumped in the shower after what proved to be a frivolous work out (I’m killin myself and I’ve only lost 4 ounces. I’m so over it, but I digress). I saw his car in the lot finally and knew he was home. When I got out of the shower, I had two messages from him one of which said “I was calling you to be smart because I know you can’t answer the phone.” Uhh…can you say stalker? Who is this dude Santa Claus? I mean he knows when I’m sleeping, he knows when I’m awake…he even knows when I’m naked!! He called me from a blocked number so I couldn’t return his call like he requested in his second message. Kat suggested I leave him another note on his windshield reminding him that I don’t have his number, but my limit on windshield notes is one per vehicle lol.

Last night he waited until about ten minutes after I came in and called me. We talked for a few minutes and then he said he had to run to his car and asked me to meet him downstairs. I went down and we had a light convo about nothing. All the while I’m thinking THIS IS JUST TOO DAMN WEIRD. I’d jokinly called him a stalker, but when we parted ways and I heard foot steps coming up the stairs as I was walking down the hallway, the joke became just a lil less funny. I know he was kidding following me up the steps, but it was just a lil creepy lol.

I’m really beginning to wish I’d waited another month before leaving that note…

No need for the walls to talk when you can hear through them...

A while back this REALLY cute guy who lives in my building hit on me and I shot him down; partly because I just wasn’t in the mood and also because I have an unofficial/official policy about not taking a dump in my kitchen lol. Meaning, I don’t date guys who are that close to home. I just can’t help but think of how awkward it would be to come home and see him going out with someone else or what would happen if he turned out to be CRAZY and I can’t get away from him because his mailbox is right next to mine lol. Kinda makes the notion of a restraining order a little less meaningful lol. There are just so many reasons why it’s not a good idea.

Well since I’m moving, I decided that I’d give cutie a holla. We’ve always been really cordial and after the last time I saw him, I figured, what the hell. I could have waited until I saw him, but I decided to leave him a note on his windshield last night. I’m impatient like that lol. My note said:

Hey,
I don’t usually date men who live so close to home, but since I’m moving next month, why don’t you give me a call.

Mahogany
267-XXX-XXXX

This morning while on my way to work, he called me. He had no idea who I was initially, (color me conceited for expecting him to remember who I was after a couple of months lol) but he pulled it together in no time. We had a really nice convo. We laughed and joked and exchanged a few vital stats. He seems cool. It wasn’t long however, before I was SMACKED in the face with one of the main reasons why I like to keep my dating life and my home life completely separated. He lives DIRECTLY below me…DIRECTLY. Now I don’t live in the slums, but my walls are thin…and apparently so are my floors lol. We started talking about all the things we could hear from one another’s apartment and I wanted to die lol. He didn’t come right out and say “I’ve heard you getting it in before”, but it was obvious that’s what he was hinting at.

It’s not as if I have Freakfest 07 going on in my place, I mean I’ve only had sex once, maybe twice since he’s been living beneath me. I do wonder however if he can hear me on my…ahem…“solo” efforts lol. I’ve heard a few things before, and I always wondered if they were coming from next door or downstairs. You know as I type this, I am beginning to feel that this is going to be MUCH weirder than I thought. What if I wake up one night and hear some of those same sounds? Talk about awkward!! Its one thing to know someone you’re talking to is doing their thing; it’s another to actually HEAR IT. WOW. Maybe I should have waited to leave that note lol.

I require work...

I'm so proud of myself!!! Batman came over last night and I didn't do nuffin, nada, ZILCH!! Not even a tongue kiss!! Ok there was some light groping on his part, but I shut it DOOOWWWWNNN lol. He even threw out the offer of oral which is like my cryptonite, but I was like "Nah dude, I'm good."

Before he came over I had worked out in my head what I was going to say to him. How I was going to tell him we couldn't have sex anymore because I wasn't ok with a couple things like: recieving 1 phone call and a palm full of text messages over a two week period, or the whole "no strings attached sex" deal, or the fact that I can't seem to get my own time only what he has left over after giving everyone else time. I realized that he wasn't being malicious or trying to play me, he was just doing what he wanted to do and getting what he wanted to get. If I never said a word things would have continued on the way they had been until he got tired and moved on or went after something more. He's not the one with the problem, I am, so I had to do what I had to do to fix it for me.

We chilled and watched tv for a couple of hours. During that time he started massaging my back and asked if we could go in my bedroom so he could rub the rest of me. I said "No". Later he said it smells good in here (I had just baked a cake). I wonder how "she" smells. I laughed it off, moved his hand and went to put icing on the cake. He was rubbin one of the girls and asked me why was my bra so thick. I told him to stop gropping me then proceeded to answer his question. By that time he got the idea and knew it wasn't going to happen. I on the other hand was secretly losing my mind and kept getting flashes of all the naughty things he was offering to do lol. I even debated on a having one last hurrah before shutting it down, but thought better of it. Outwardly, I maintained my composure.

He told me that he had gotten the days mixed up, and his friend actually wanted the cake on Wednesday night and that he'd have to take it all the way to Jersey. Just hearing that made me even happier about my decision to not go there because this would have been a drive by. After I finished packing the cake up, and he was paying me, I jokingly told him to feel free to tip the chef. He replied, "Oh I was gonna tip her, but she doesn't want it. I had the tip all worked out." I replied "Aint that she don't want it, she just ain't tryna catch feelins." He said "Oh, I understand." I took this opportunity to elaborate, but I didn't quite say all of the things that I thought to say earlier. What I did say was "I just know better. I know that there are certain things that I'm ok with and certain things that I'm not. Like the 1 phone call and a palm full of text messages over the last two weeks? Not so ok with that. Or the whole "no strings attached" deal? Not so ok with that either. But its cool. It just is what it is." He was kind of quiet then he said, "Well I guess somebody is gonna have to work on that." I shrugged and said "I guess so." It's not that I don't believe him, its just that well...I don't believe him lol. I don't expect him to do anything different than he's already been doing. Where do things go from here? I don't know. I require work; apparently more work than he's willing to put in.

Movin On Up!!

I love Philly, I really do I love Philly, I really do. I love everything from the sights and sounds, to the people, and even the brazen rudeness of Philadelphia fans. I love that when I’m walking down the street and catch someone staring at me, I know not to take it personal because WE ALL DO IT. It’s a Philly thang. I love how folks will rep their part of the city HARD, turning their noses up at those from parts that are more gritty or less culturally rich than their own. Talk about irony because for the most part we are all from the same place…THE HOOD.

With all of the things that I absolutely adore about Philly, there is one thing that makes me a little bit uneasy about it…most of the people who are born here, die here. I don’t know if they leave and come back, but I’ve always thought of Philly as a sink hole…its just hard to get out. Well I’m breaking free!! Next year I’m moving to Atlanta. Kat is planning on starting law school in the fall and I want a change of scenery for a couple of years at least so we are going to make the leap together. I’m a big ole’ punk so I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve thought about moving to another city before, but the idea of having to make new friends just wasn’t that appealing to me. I may be the life of the party, but I gotta know whose party it is first lol!

We are leaving in July, so in preparation for the impending move, I’m moving into my dad's house in Bridgeton NJ. He and his wife are separated (AGAIN. Who knows if it will stick this time) and he’s been telling me for the past few months that if I ever needed to, I could come and stay with him, so I decided to take him up on his offer. He still goes back and forth between that house and the one where the rest of the family lived in South Jersey. I’ve never lived with my dad before so this ought to be interesting. 8 months is a LONG TIME even if he isn't going to be there everyday and this is definitely going to put a crimp in my pimp lol. Nonetheless, I’m looking forward to this. Maybe I'll get a chance too address some of my daddy issues.

I realize I'm in the last days of solo living for at least of a couple of years. No more walking around au natural or stripping down to my undies in the middle of the living room and leaving my clothes there until the next morning. And also, no more company of the opposite sex without some kind of consideration or stipulation. That last one is directed more towards the move to ATL because I will NOT be bringing anyone with a penis within a 10 mile radius of my daddy's house. It just aint happenin. My dad has only met one boyfriend before and that was my prom date in highschool, so he kinda doesn't count. I think I'll just let my dad think I'm a virgin lol. It will be easier for all parties involved lol.

I'm just so excited!! A change is in the wind.

Guess Who's Bizzack!!

Hello all!! I know it’s been a minute but ya girl is back. You know how when you do something so incredibly stupid that you kinda want to keep it to yourself? Well I had one of those WEEKS. About two weeks ago, I had three different convos with three really good male friends of mine about Batman. I don’t always get a chance to get a neutral male perspective, so these conversations were a bit of an eye opener. My first friend thought I was gangsta for cutting it off and that my reasoning was kinda bogus. In his words, “If I cut people off for the reasons you cut dudes off, I’d never have anyone to talk to!” Then I had a more extensive conversation with my Canadian friend and I learned that basically, I overreacted months ago when I broke things off with Batman. No that he wasn’t dead wrong, I just could have handled things a bit differently. He told me that I brought up relationship talk too early for starters. Who knew there was a 2 month waiting period on such conversations, even if all you are saying is, “I’m not trying to be your, or anyone else’s for that matter, FB”. As he put it, men don’t like to feel like they are being forced to do something. Also, he pointed out some things that I never took into consideration and by the end of the convo, I was asking him how do I get things started back up with him again because I missed him more than I realized. I conferred with my big cuzin Thic and once he gave me the go ahead I was cool.

It was agreed that I’d have to swallow my pride and leave a lot of things up to him, but he was probably receptive because he kept in contact over the last couple of months. So the game was on, only this time I had a coach or coaches. I sent him a text message telling him I missed him and that if he had the time I’d like to see him. He responded and seemed excited. He told me we could get together on the weekend and I was happy. I realized that ultimately what I wanted was things to go back to where they were a week before I gave him the boot but alas…things can never be the same right? I’d sent him the text on Wednesday and we hadn’t made any sound plans by Friday. I finally talked to him Friday night and as he began to run down a list of things he had to do that weekend it was becoming apparent that the weekend was a wash. I told him it was fine and we could just get together some other time, but he said he wanted to see me that night. It was already 9 and I was already out having dinner with friends so I knew by the time I would see him it would be after 12, but I agreed anyway.

When I finally got dropped off at my car, it was 12:15. I called him to let him know I was on my way and much to my surprise, this negro tells me his brother in law just came over and his friend was on his way over. I’m like huh? WTH?! So he says that he doesn’t think they’ll be there long and that he’ll just come over my house when they leave. So I’m doing the math and things are slowly but surely beginning to add up to a booty call. I began to remember a comedy sketch I’d heard the previous week and couldn’t help but feelin like the number 5 girl. Check it out for yourself…



So when I get home, cuzn Thic is online and I ask him, if I’m overreacting or reading too much into this situation. Should I just take him trying to come and see me tonight as him putting forth extra effort or should I go with my gut accept this as the booty call that it is? It was about 1 or so, and Thic said just live in the moment or something of that nature. I said fine, but as the seconds, minutes and hours ticked by, I decided that moment had officially passed. At about 2 or so I called it a night and went to bed.

Now what I SHOULD be typing is the next day…but that’s not how this little ditty goes. About 2:45, I got a call from him telling me he was on his way. Against my better judgment, I let him come. I even hoped out of bed, cleaned up my apartment, did a little “touching up” and was back in bed like nothing happened in about 15 minutes flat. Just to give you an idea of the FULL magnitude of this feat, I had braided my hair Thursday night and didn’t finish until 4 in the morning on Friday. I went straight to dinner after work, so I hadn’t had a chance to clean up all of the stray hairs, hair products, scissors, mirrors, chairs and everything else you might imagine you’d have out if you were braiding your own hair for the first time. Plus the bathroom was a little bit of a mess too.

So he came over, I don’t have to tell you what happened but just know that it was GOOD, and he went home about 12 the next day. I didn’t actually talk to him until the following Saturday. There was a BRIEF text exchange in between that time and that was it. Needless to say this was not how I imagined how things would go. What I thought of as a late night rendezvous turned out to be a straight up booty call!! I was shocked. I still am! I consulted my coaches and they were just as baffled as I was; only they were baffled about why I had sex with him lol. Saying a girl has her needs just doesn’t quite cover it. The celibacy thing aside, it just wasn’t a good decision AT ALL.

So that was two weeks ago, and now he’s supposed to be coming over tonight. It’s not what you think…well at least not totally lol. One of his friends ordered a cake and he’s coming to pick it up. He’s also hoping to get some cookie but I’m so over it. I’m not trying to be anybody’s FB. You don’t get to run up and through with no strings and no requirements. I made a bad decision two weeks ago, but I’m not about to compound it by making another one. I have NO IDEA what his deal is and at this point, I really don’t care. I guess we can be “friends” but let’s be serious, that’s not going to happen either.

Why?

I know it's been a minute. I'll update you all on what's happened in the past week in a few. In the mean time, why did I just get a message on my yahoo from a man who has this and only this in his profile description?

Good looking young man seeking a very sexual young lady! I would describe myself as a workaholic who does things right, in addition I have an outstanding personality!

I mean he sent me his phone number and EVERYTHING. Talkin bout he'll be in town soon and wants to meet me. Huh? What? Seriously? How you trollin for booty on the net and you don't even have a picture?!