So I didn't get the job. They went with a candidate that had a background in teaching web design. In the recruiters words, "They feel he can think theoretically as well as practically about the site redesign" Um...what the HELL does that mean? Don't they know those who can't DO TEACH?! No offense to any teachers lol. Anywho...back to the grind I go. Oh and I was their number 2 choice according to her. Great...first loser! lol.
Natedogg is like still talking to me. Why?
I went out Saturday night. It was...ok at best. I looked GOOD though. I wore those lil leopard shoes in the new pic and a purple sweater dress. Sounds weird, but it was fly I promise. Those shoes HURT LIKE HELL though! I mean I had to peel my feet out of them SLOWLY. It was NOT a good look for my tootsies!! The things we do to look good! Did I mention how good I looked lol? There weren't many options in the lounge as far has man meat goes. I got chatted up nicely by this young gentleman who was really nice to look at. He had the prettiest skin, all chocolate and stuff, but he was VAPID. I mean he had little to no substance AND he was short. Like my height in heels. Not a good look either. He got bonus points for offering to buy me a drink when it was his birthday though. That was quickly thrown out of the window when he got a lil too comfortable and put his hand around my waist and kinda palmed my ass. I had to escape to another floor because otherwise I think I'd have had a club stalker on my hands.
I found an old acquaintance from college on Myspace. I used to have the biggest crush on this guy and I was excited to see that he now lives in MD. I didn't think he'd remember me and I was certain he didn't know my name. I was wrong about the first part but totally right about the second. We sent messages of the "What chu been up to, where you work" variety, before he wrote "On a completely unrelated note, I always thought you were cute." NICE. Real nice. I took that opportunity to tell him about my OLD crush after which he gave me his number and told me to call him. We ended up talking until 5:45 in the morning. Good stuff right? Well here's the problem, I kinda put my foot in my mouth...after I shot myself in it lol. I told him I wasn't looking to date and that I really just needed to be left alone for a lil while about 5 minutes into the conversation. I have no idea why I did that. He was telling me about the dating scene down there and saying that I wouldn't have any problems, so when I said I didn't want to be bothered, I met by anybody that wasn't him lol. He can mess with me all he wants lol. So he never showed any interest and the rest of the conversation was real regular. It wasn't flirty or sexy or anything. Just real REG-U-LAR. Now I'm crushin again, and I wanna holla. Under my new rules of course lol. We've talked and texted since then (that was Friday night) and I think I'm going to just put it all out there. He has a lot of platonic female friends and I'm not trying to be one of them. If I don't act now, I'm headed straight for the friend zone lol. If I end up there it's cool though. No feelings involved, he's good peeps...I can be his friend.
Can someone tell me why dudes give you their IM info, you add them, have one conversation and then they never hit you up again? Was it something I said? Was it my breath? Good thing I wasn't all the interested or I'd feel some type of way lol.
Maybe one day I'll learn to let ish slide. To not entertain foolishness. To not feed into nonsense. Maybe. For now, dammit if it aint entertaining!! Makes for good blogging don't you think? Lol!
Monday, January 28, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Shhh....
I don't wanna jinx it, but I have a job interview in DC tomorrow. I really want the position, I feel really prepared for the interview and I'm really excited. If you don't hear anything else about it after this, assume I didn't get the job lol.
Wish me luck!!
RE: RE: I thought...
I sent C a short email about a month ago after stumbling on a picture of him while looking for something in my email. I forgot just how FIONE that man was. I mean he really is the most attractive man I've ever been involved with. Too bad he sucks big time smh. The pretty ones always do. Anywho, I won't spoil it for you. Read it all for yourself lol...
Date: Fri, 7 Dec 2007 14:02:41 -0500Yeah insanity I know, but you didn't see the picture!!!! LOL!!
From: mahoganay@nosexindacity.com
To: Cbodyful@friends.com
Subject: I thought...
I got rid of all the pics I had of you, but I came across one of you shirtless and started to drool involuntarily lol. I almost forgot how fine you are. Hope you're well.
Mahogany
Date: Wed, 23 Jan 2008 12:44:45 -0500
From: Cbodyful@friends.com
To: mahoganay@nosexindacity.com
Subject: RE: I thought...
I have been in Germany for the past 2months and have not been checking my email like I should. I hope you are well and you should not have tried to delete me. We are still friends and I have much love for you...
Date: Wed, 23 Jan 2008 5:02:03 -0500
From: mahoganay@nosexindacity.com
To: Cbodyful@friends.com
Subject: RE: RE: I thought...Germany huh? Sounds umm…fun? Lol.
You know for a second I thought your message must have been typed in German and then translated to English. I mean how else do you explain the line "We are still friends and I have much love for you..." I thought maybe it made sense in German because given the state of things between us; it doesn't make a lick of sense in English. Then I remembered that men and women speak two totally different languages, often hearing one another but rarely understanding. There is A LOT I don't understand.
For the second time I found myself baffled by your apparent definition of the word "friend". The first time was about a year ago when you asked me via text "What we not friends anymore?" after you dropped off the face of the Earth for three months with no warning. You explained yourself and in spite of my better judgment, I tried to move forward with our "friendship" and it wasn't long before I realized I was walking alone. I decided to bounce and you let me go...for the second time. You even said "I understand". NOW you're telling me that we're still friends AND you have love for me too? Huh? I must be slow because I don't get it. I won't try and tell you what you do and don't feel, so if you say you "have much love for me" I'll accept that. However, you'll have to forgive me if I'm not exactly feeling like we're BFFs because I'm certain we are working with two completely different definitions of "friendship". I thought my definition might be wrong, so I decided to check a rather reputable source. Here's what Wikipedia says:
Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. This article focuses on the notion specific to interpersonal relationships. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection.
Now I'm in full agreement with the above description. That pretty much describes all of my real friendships to a T. The question I pose to you is does that sound ANYTHING like what we currently have? I don't think so. When was the last time you called me? When was the last time you sent me a text message, carrier pigeon or a smoke signal? How about a singing telegram? As for email, you only email me when I have a lapse in sanity and email you first. The truth of the matter is if I never reached out to you again, I'd never hear from you again. That's not very friendly at all. This leads me to believe that this "friendship" we have, stops in your head. It kinda reminds me of how Wendy Williams is always saying someone is a friend in her head, but I digress. The bottom line is, it never manifests itself in the physical and therefore it doesn't exist. You can care about me and what happens to me, but that does not make us friends. Believe me I know. You can say "We're still friends" but that doesn't make it so. Friendship requires work, which you have proven time and time again, you are unable to put in on any level for various reasons and that's ok. It took me a minute, but I've accepted it.
As for trying to erase all traces of you via deletion, you know as well as I do that this relationship was never platonic so yes I deleted all of your pictures, your cell number, every text message and email sent to or received by you and even the e-card I made you for your birthday in 06. It's what I do when someone decides they no longer want to occupy the space I have given them in my life. You probably don't realize it, but it's almost downright selfish for you to suggest otherwise. YOU change the dynamic of what we were in your mind and MY actions are supposed to reflect that? I don't see how that's supposed to work. In order for us to be friends on any level, wouldn't I have to agree? I don't recall signing up for a one-sided friendship…again. So umm…Sweetheart, no we're not still friends. We're associates at best. :)
I promise if another guy comes along and offers me his ragedy ass version of frienship yall are going to see me on the news. I really may just snap...maybe I shouldn't have typed that. You know, evidence and all lol.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
If I wasn't sure before....
Dammit I'm sure now!! The guy from Yahoo sent me ANOTHER message. Like WOW...
HI,
MY NAME IS STEVE AND I AM A 36YR OLD DWM. I HAVE A FEW EXTRA EXTRA POUNDS THAT I AM LOSING. I AM A VERY NICE GUY AND EXTREMELY LOYAL. I CAUGHT MY WIFE CHEATING AFTER 13YR OF MARRIAGE AND WOULD NEVER PUT ANOTHER PERSON THROUGH THAT EVER AND I KNOW HOW TO TREAT A LADY. I LIKE TO DINE AND TRAVEL. MY FAVORITE THING IS CRUISING THE CARIBBEAN. YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL I WOULD LOVE THE CHANCE OF GETTING TO KNOW YOU. PLEASE TAKE A CHANCE AND YOU MIGHT BE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED.
I AM NOT GOING TO BE ON THE PERSONALS MUCH LONGER GETTING TIRED OF LOOKING AND HOPE THAT I FOUND THE RIGHT WOMAN, SO YOU ARE THE LAST THAT I AM WRITING TOO. MY DIRECT EMAIL IS xxxxx@xxxxx.com.
I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU ONE TIME IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO PERSUADE YOU.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
I'm OK, You're OK
I don’t remember my dreams often, but when I do, I like to see if they hold any insight into my current situation in life. My most recent one was CHOCK FULL of signs and symbols. I actually started to think I was a lil crazy when I read the interpretations of various things lol.
So, I was on a bus and for some reason it was riding indoors, going through different marble hallways and through doors. I initially got on thinking I was going back home because apparently I caught the bus to my current location. When I realized it was the wrong bus, I didn’t get off though. At first, I thought it was the right one, but it was just taking a different route to get to my final destination. The longer I rode though, the more unfamiliar my surroundings became and I felt like I’d been on the bus for so long at that point, that it would be best just to get off at the last stop and figure things out from there. The last stop was a dock overlooking a lake. Everyone got off the bus and then got into individual boats. It was kinda like a “park and ride”, only instead of cars people got in boats to continue their journey home. I realized I didn’t have a boat and as I was standing on the dock, trying to figure out how I was going to get home, I spotted a guy fishing. I walked onto the shore and saw a woman sitting on the shore, smiling and holding her daughter as she watched the man catch a fish. He caught a red snapper, pulled it out of the water, stared it in the face and then slapped it. He poured water in its mouth and then sat it on the side of the boat thinking it was dead. By this time, I’d walked closer to the boat (the water wasn’t deep, maybe mid calf at the highest). He turned his back to the fish and just then it sprang to life and tried to swim away. I caught it, looked at it and gave it a slap like he did earlier. Just then, my alarm when off.
I took the strongest elements and looked up what they meant on dreammoods.com. Here’s what I found...
The thing I found most surprising, is that 5 of the symbols indicate that I am OK emotionally. Not that I thought I was a wreck or anything, but seriously, yall read the crap I write lol. I woulda thought I had some repressed issues or something floating around in there lol. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, but considering my conscious mind is still very much struggling with the idea that he and I are no longer friends, let alone what we used to be, it’s both weird and reassuring, to know that part of me has made its peace with it.
I’m just glad I don’t dream often. This kind of self reflection on a regular would be too much lol.
So, I was on a bus and for some reason it was riding indoors, going through different marble hallways and through doors. I initially got on thinking I was going back home because apparently I caught the bus to my current location. When I realized it was the wrong bus, I didn’t get off though. At first, I thought it was the right one, but it was just taking a different route to get to my final destination. The longer I rode though, the more unfamiliar my surroundings became and I felt like I’d been on the bus for so long at that point, that it would be best just to get off at the last stop and figure things out from there. The last stop was a dock overlooking a lake. Everyone got off the bus and then got into individual boats. It was kinda like a “park and ride”, only instead of cars people got in boats to continue their journey home. I realized I didn’t have a boat and as I was standing on the dock, trying to figure out how I was going to get home, I spotted a guy fishing. I walked onto the shore and saw a woman sitting on the shore, smiling and holding her daughter as she watched the man catch a fish. He caught a red snapper, pulled it out of the water, stared it in the face and then slapped it. He poured water in its mouth and then sat it on the side of the boat thinking it was dead. By this time, I’d walked closer to the boat (the water wasn’t deep, maybe mid calf at the highest). He turned his back to the fish and just then it sprang to life and tried to swim away. I caught it, looked at it and gave it a slap like he did earlier. Just then, my alarm when off.
I took the strongest elements and looked up what they meant on dreammoods.com. Here’s what I found...
- Home: To dream that you cannot find your way home signifies a major transition in your life.
- Bus: To dream that you are riding a bus implies that you are going along with the crowd. You are lacking originality and are taking no control over where your life is going. (OUCH)
- Hallways: To see a hallway in your dream, symbolizes the beginning of a path that you are taking in life or a journey into the unknown and self exploration. It represents spiritual, emotional, physical, or mental passages in your life. It is indicative of a transitional phase in your life.
- Door: To dream that you are entering through a door, signifies new opportunities that will be presented before you. You are entering into a new stage in your life and moving from one level of consciousness to another.
- Docks: To dream that you are on the docks, suggests that you have successfully gotten through some tough times and emotions.
- Boat: To dream that you are in or see a boat, signifies you ability to cope and express your emotions. Alternatively, you may be ready to confront your unconscious and unknown aspects of yourself.
- Lake: To see a lake in your dream signifies your emotional state of mind. If the lake is clear and calm, then it symbolizes your inner peace.
- Shore: To see the shore in your dream, suggests that your emotional needs are satisfied and any inner turmoil has been resolved. It also symbolizes a place where the conscious mind meets the unconscious.
- Fisherman: To see a fisherman in your dream, suggests that you are trying to catch something in your waking life.
- Fish: To see fish swimming in your dream, signifies insights from your unconscious mind. Thus to catch a fish, represents insights which have been brought to the surface.
The thing I found most surprising, is that 5 of the symbols indicate that I am OK emotionally. Not that I thought I was a wreck or anything, but seriously, yall read the crap I write lol. I woulda thought I had some repressed issues or something floating around in there lol. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, but considering my conscious mind is still very much struggling with the idea that he and I are no longer friends, let alone what we used to be, it’s both weird and reassuring, to know that part of me has made its peace with it.
I’m just glad I don’t dream often. This kind of self reflection on a regular would be too much lol.
Monday, January 14, 2008
New Decree...
On this day, January 14, 2008 a new decree has been set forth. As of 8:21am (EST), I no longer have sex with my friends.
I was listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show while driving to work this a.m. and they do this thing called the Strawberry Letter. Basically, people write in with their problems and ask Steve, often referred to as the "Code Cracker", to give them his opinion and/or advice. Today's letter wasn't of the particularly juicy variety, but for some reason, a single line in it resonated with me. The woman who wrote in was asking if she should commit to a man she'd been openly seeing for three months. He now wanted to make things exclusive putting aside their original agreement to date openly. The thing that made me sit up and take notice was her writing "I didn't break off any cookie so as not to confuse things." It was truly a "light bulb moment". CONFUSION...the notion seemed so obvious, but so obscure at the same time. The fog was finally lifted. There will be NO MORE CONFUSION.
See I have BEEF with the term "friend". I've had it for quite some time now. It just doesn't carry the weight it should anymore because people have been abusing it for so long. People call the person they've known since they were playing in the sand box, making mud pies and eating boogies the SAME THING as the person they only see under the cover of night for a drunken interlude. That aint right at all. SO, I'm taking the term back. I'm confiscating it from all the frivolous mofos who are misusing it. I'm also doing away with any gray area associated with its misuse. Instead, I'm outlining the various "positions" a man could possibly have in my life. Here are my guidelines...
I was listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show while driving to work this a.m. and they do this thing called the Strawberry Letter. Basically, people write in with their problems and ask Steve, often referred to as the "Code Cracker", to give them his opinion and/or advice. Today's letter wasn't of the particularly juicy variety, but for some reason, a single line in it resonated with me. The woman who wrote in was asking if she should commit to a man she'd been openly seeing for three months. He now wanted to make things exclusive putting aside their original agreement to date openly. The thing that made me sit up and take notice was her writing "I didn't break off any cookie so as not to confuse things." It was truly a "light bulb moment". CONFUSION...the notion seemed so obvious, but so obscure at the same time. The fog was finally lifted. There will be NO MORE CONFUSION.
See I have BEEF with the term "friend". I've had it for quite some time now. It just doesn't carry the weight it should anymore because people have been abusing it for so long. People call the person they've known since they were playing in the sand box, making mud pies and eating boogies the SAME THING as the person they only see under the cover of night for a drunken interlude. That aint right at all. SO, I'm taking the term back. I'm confiscating it from all the frivolous mofos who are misusing it. I'm also doing away with any gray area associated with its misuse. Instead, I'm outlining the various "positions" a man could possibly have in my life. Here are my guidelines...
Friends*I think I've covered my basis and have effectively done away with any possible gray areas lol!
If say you want to be my friend then you will be treated like my FRIENDS. That means I will treat you the SAME way I treat my female friends. Granted, I may occasionally flirt because lets be real, flirting with boys is fun lol, but other than that there will be no kissing, sexing, cuddling, holding hands, flirting laced with sexual innuendos, inappropriate late night conversations or doing anything that might give either one of us the impression that the situation is more than it is. When we hang out, I'll pay for my self unless we establish before hand that you're treating. On the upside, I'm more likely to treat you now lol. Feel free to tell me about all the chicks you are dating, running up in, misleading, lying to...whatever is your twist. It won't matter to me, because as far as I'm concerned you are not a prospect and I will treat you as such. In the begining however, you must be single. This has little to do with the possibility that you may move up in the ranks, but everything to do with the fact that I don't do well with chicks calling me on some "Spanish Inquisition" tip wanting to know who I am and where I know you from. In the event you want to move to another level, please understand there is a strong likelihood you won't be able to come back.
*Please note this only refers to new friends. If you are already part of my regime, you are special case to be considered completely separate....
Dating
If you hit me with the "I want to get to know you" line and you don't want to be put into the "friend zone", then we can DATE. Know that my expectations for you change. I now expect to see a certain amount of effort. If I'm interested enough to date you, then that means I'll be making an effort to get to know you and show you who I am. Know that I am not about to be the ONLY ONE doing this, or putting out noticeably more effort than you. Cuddiling, kissing and hand holding are allowed in the early stages, however other "perks" only come with time. Exactly how much varies and believe me you'll know when enough has passed. Feel free to see whoever you like and do whatever you want as long as I don't know about it. Just because we are dating openly doesn't mean I want to see ALL of your business. This arrangement does have an expiration date and if we aren't on the same page when that day comes, you will either be demoted to friend* or kicked out of the rotation completely. This stage is about working towards a goal, not running in place for as long as possible.
This is a conditional demotion. It depends largely on how far my feelings for you have developed and why we aren't on the same page.
My Man
If I have to even explain this to you chances are you aren't being considered for the position anyway.
Bonus: FB
It's been ages since I've had one, but in the unlikely event you end up in this category, know that I care ONLY ABOUT THE SEX. The less I know about you the better, so I don't want to know how your day was, I don't care that your dog died, don't tell me you got laid off unless it affects me getting laid. When I come over, don't pop in a DVD just offer me something to drink and bring it to me naked. It is likely that I'll be spending the night, but this is only because its too late and I'm too tired to drive home. If this isn't the case something has gone horribly awry and I'm am backing out of this arrangement post haste! Please be warned that this arrangement has the shelf life of unopened milk.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Poetry
I don't have poetic moments often, but when the muse strikes I like to do a lil somethin somethin lol. Here are my two latest pieces...
Bitter/Sweet
You know, I've said this before, but Imma say it again
I'm tired of lil ass boys pretending to be grown ass men
Tellin lies, makin promises, I swear they all the same
Can't believe a word they say, cuz its probably just game
That may be the case, but you eat it up, in fact you swallow it whole
Tell me this, after a while, doesn't that tune get real old?
You pick and choose what you hear, embrace the good, ignore the bad
Never once taking heed to all the glaring red flags
Well that's not exactly true, I pay very close attention
Aint my fault it's always shit they conveniently fail to mention
Like when they say "I want you" and leave out "but I want her too"
Or when he says he wants a relationship, but doesn't mean with you
Fair enough, you got a point; yes some men omit and twist the truth
But I have to ask a question, exactly how up front are you?
Are you honest about your intentions, make it plain what you want?
Or do you go along with the "program" simply putting up a front?
It aint me, I promise you, these niggas just aint shit
Wouldn't know a good woman if she came and sat on their dick
And I've done my share of that, been the homieloverfriend
Been the wifey, the ride or die chick, that down ass bitch to the end
Hold up ma, you talking reckless fall back for a minute
Sounds like you mad you gave it up with no talk of commitment
Blamin them for your mistakes, and never looking within
Then wonder why every situation has a similar end?
You just don't know, you talking like you aint never there before
You got no idea what I've been through; don't know the things I've endured
I stay bendin over backwards, or puttin my back against the wall
Always having some mans back, but no one's there to break my fall
Don't get it twisted boo I know, trust me I've been where you been
Been disappointed and let down, but I got back up again
I've made mistakes I have regrets and I damn sure aint perfect
But to get where I am today it was all more than worth it
See the real difference between us two is while I played my part
It was about owning up to the role I played in breaking my heart
They couldn't do it by themselves; they only did what I allowed
I took on the job of wifey even though we never exchanged vows
So whose fault is it if I ignore what a man is telling me?
Even if it's not in what I hear, but in everything I see?
I'm not saying this is easy; it's a hard lesson to learn
But I promise you'll know the value of self love in return
Stop pointing fingers, you point the one, there's three aimed in your direction
Make better decisions, don't play the victim, practice better discretion
And though faultless they are not, own up to what you do
You can do it, check your reflection, accept that the blame is partly on you
Pride
Bitter/Sweet
You know, I've said this before, but Imma say it again
I'm tired of lil ass boys pretending to be grown ass men
Tellin lies, makin promises, I swear they all the same
Can't believe a word they say, cuz its probably just game
That may be the case, but you eat it up, in fact you swallow it whole
Tell me this, after a while, doesn't that tune get real old?
You pick and choose what you hear, embrace the good, ignore the bad
Never once taking heed to all the glaring red flags
Well that's not exactly true, I pay very close attention
Aint my fault it's always shit they conveniently fail to mention
Like when they say "I want you" and leave out "but I want her too"
Or when he says he wants a relationship, but doesn't mean with you
Fair enough, you got a point; yes some men omit and twist the truth
But I have to ask a question, exactly how up front are you?
Are you honest about your intentions, make it plain what you want?
Or do you go along with the "program" simply putting up a front?
It aint me, I promise you, these niggas just aint shit
Wouldn't know a good woman if she came and sat on their dick
And I've done my share of that, been the homieloverfriend
Been the wifey, the ride or die chick, that down ass bitch to the end
Hold up ma, you talking reckless fall back for a minute
Sounds like you mad you gave it up with no talk of commitment
Blamin them for your mistakes, and never looking within
Then wonder why every situation has a similar end?
You just don't know, you talking like you aint never there before
You got no idea what I've been through; don't know the things I've endured
I stay bendin over backwards, or puttin my back against the wall
Always having some mans back, but no one's there to break my fall
Don't get it twisted boo I know, trust me I've been where you been
Been disappointed and let down, but I got back up again
I've made mistakes I have regrets and I damn sure aint perfect
But to get where I am today it was all more than worth it
See the real difference between us two is while I played my part
It was about owning up to the role I played in breaking my heart
They couldn't do it by themselves; they only did what I allowed
I took on the job of wifey even though we never exchanged vows
So whose fault is it if I ignore what a man is telling me?
Even if it's not in what I hear, but in everything I see?
I'm not saying this is easy; it's a hard lesson to learn
But I promise you'll know the value of self love in return
Stop pointing fingers, you point the one, there's three aimed in your direction
Make better decisions, don't play the victim, practice better discretion
And though faultless they are not, own up to what you do
You can do it, check your reflection, accept that the blame is partly on you
Pride
There’s a lump in my throat comprised of words unsaid
I try to swallow it but its too big
I'm suffocating from the pressure
So instead I bring it back up
Hold it on my tongue
Roll it around a few times
I try to open my mouth but I can't get it past my lips
Can't get it out in the air
I fear it may dissipate
I try to open my mouth but I can't get it past my lips
Can't get it out in the air
I fear it may fall to the floor with its weight
So I
Roll it around a few times
Hold it on my tongue and
Try to swallow it again
I try to swallow it but its too big
I'm suffocating from the pressure
So instead I bring it back up
Hold it on my tongue
Roll it around a few times
I try to open my mouth but I can't get it past my lips
Can't get it out in the air
I fear it may dissipate
I try to open my mouth but I can't get it past my lips
Can't get it out in the air
I fear it may fall to the floor with its weight
So I
Roll it around a few times
Hold it on my tongue and
Try to swallow it again
Friday, January 11, 2008
Yahoo Personals: I think I was propositioned
I know I said I was going to cancel my Yahoo account. Don't ask me why I haven't because I really don't have a good explanation lol. I've been getting hit up a lot lately too. Some of them actually are cute and seem a little promising from their profile...but I know better. I'm done with online dating for a while. If I can't meet a man while I'm out and about then I won't meet him.
I did however receive an interesting message the other day:
Umm...did he just ask me for sex? Lets see this in the instant replay:
I did however receive an interesting message the other day:
HI,MY NAME IS STEVE AND I AM A 36YR OLD DWM. I AM 5'4'' AND A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT BUT GOOD LOOKING. I AM A COLLEGE GRAD AND HAVE A GOOD FULL TIME JOB. I AM WRITING YOU BECAUSE I BELIEVE YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I HAVE EVER SEEN.I AM VERY ATTRACTED TO YOU AND WOULD LOVE TO DATE YOU, BUT IF YOU'RE NOT INTO THAT I WOULD DO ALMOST ANYTHING TO BE WITH A WOMAN AS GORGEOUS AS YOU JUST ONCE SO I CAN DIE A HAPPY MAN. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF INTERESTED OR IF I CAN DO ANYTHING TO PERSUADE YOU.
I AM VERY ATTRACTED TO YOU AND WOULD LOVE TO DATE YOU, BUT IF YOU'RE NOT INTO THAT I WOULD DO ALMOST ANYTHING TO BE WITH A WOMAN AS GORGEOUS AS YOU JUST ONCE SO I CAN DIE A HAPPY MAN.W.O.W. Very flattering folks. Very flattering. I'm touched. No pun intended...
Thursday, January 10, 2008
The Window Has CLOSED
I should have done this a long time ago, but after almost a year, I've officially closed the window of opportunity left wide open for Natedogg. The straw that broke the camels back? The following conversation:
NATEDOGG: we should go to AC
Mahogany Brown: that sounds fun
Mahogany Brown: when?
NATEDOGG: soon as i get settled back at school
NATEDOGG: and as soon as it get warm might wanna show u off
Mahogany Brown: >>eye rolling smiley face<<
Mahogany Brown: I'll be in MD by then
Mahogany Brown: no thanks
NATEDOGG: when u going to md
Mahogany Brown: I plan to be in MD by March at the latest
Mahogany Brown: you've been putting me off for the longest. Don't ask me to do nothin unless you mean the upcoming weekend
NATEDOGG: whatever aint my fault i been putting u off brother do gotta work and maintain a gpa but since i got until the end of Feb ill get u on a weekend and come lick u all day.....sike nah
Mahogany Brown: no thanks
Mahogany Brown: you don't have until February
Mahogany Brown: I'm not mad you gotta do what you gotta do
Mahogany Brown: but your window of opportunity is officially closed
Mahogany Brown: I'm tired of waiting for you
Mahogany Brown: we can just be cool but any chance of anything else is not gonna happen
NATEDOGG: aight
I think that explains it all. Yall know I don't curse like that, but it can't be said any other way.... Mutha fuckas is droppin like flies today!! Damn. I really was gonna let him taste it too lol.
A lil Randomness for the New Year
I got stood up last week by Prince Akeem. Well not exactly, but basically, I got stood up. We made plans for Friday and I didn't hear from him all week. I usually don't call, but I'm trying this whole "Give what you expect" thing out for the new year lol. So I called a couple times during the week, got his voice mail, left one message and sent a text. That was a bit extra, but he's a nice guy and he talks a good game, so I figured I'd put in a lil more effort in that area than usual. I didn't talk to him until Friday when he officially canceled (thanks dick wad. I wasted a perfectly good casual Friday at work because I wasn't sure if you were going to say we were still on). He said I could reschedule for whenever I wanted but I haven't talked to him since. Good thing I'm not interested or I'd really feel some type of way. Oh and btw, his divorce is final. Good for him.
Remember the chick from my first run in with my dads more "adventurous" side? Well she's got a boyfriend. A live in boyfriend. She's ALWAYS had this boyfriend. She's had him for 15 years. Daddy, why are you messing with some other man's woman? And then he complains to me about how she's always callin him and he told her before the holidays that he probably wasn't going to speak to her until after the holiday season because it was family time, she said she understood, but continued to call everyday. Now he's annoyed and thinking about cutting her off for good. W.O.W. Gangsta. But I think she was here the other day. I came home and there were two glasses in the sink. One had lipstick on the rim. Smh...at least I didn't come home early this time.
I asked my dad to fasten my bracelet the other morning. It was a Christmas/birthday gift from his soon to be ex-wife (a Tiffany&Co round tag bracelet, God bless that woman, she's a keeper!) and it's a lil snug when it comes to fastening it. So my dad says "Man you got a big wrist." Enter blank stare >>here<<. "Gee thanks Dad! That makes me feel really great!" he responded "That's a compliment!" Ok. So right about now is when I'd normally ask "In what country?!" but I think I know the answer to that one already lol. Friggin Nigeria! Daddy you been here long enough! You know us black women have been brainwashed into trying to live up to the European standard of beauty! Telling your daughter that she has a fat ass wrist and cankles is NOT cool lol!
I think my new pick up line is going to be "Do you have change for a dollar?" I was downtown and in need of change for the meter and both guys I asked hit on me. The first I asked specifically because I thought he was cute. He didn't have change but he gave me a quarter. As I was walking to feed the meter, he came back and asked for my number. I obliged him but was a lil, just a lil, mortified when he gave me a BUS SCHEDULE to write it on because he didn't have a cell phone. And judging by the well worn bus schedule, he didn't have a car either. He called me later that night and he's actually a really nice guy with a GREAT phone voice (I just LOVE a good phone voice) but this dude got too many "Aint Gots". He aint got no J.O.B, he aint got no A.P.T, and he aint got no C.A.R.! (50 million points if you know what movie that's from lol). In his defense his current situation can be attributed to him being in the process of starting his own business, but when you line all the facts and figures up, it aint looking good. I haven't talked to him in a couple days but I think I'm going to call him. My future exodus from Philly is probably the reason I'm even considering it. The other guy, well MAN, gave me his business card after finding a store to get me change with his own money. Very sweet and very smooth the way he did it, but it should have been considering he was like 65. If you aint got cha game down pat by then, you may as well hang it up! But, sorry Charlie, your older than my dad so NO DICE.
WANTED: A new crush. 28yo SBW seeks cute boy to fantasize about. You don't have t to be available, but occasional interaction would be nice. Must induce giddy laughter and giggles whenever we make eye contact. Butterflys optional. Inquire within.
I was going to order a new water proof toy so I could take it in the shower with me because solo missions in my bedroom in the middle of the night kinda suck. I'm convinced if my dad woke up he'd be able to hear the loud ass humming of my vibrator, so the shower should provide good audio camouflage lol. I was on the Adam and Eve site because I had a coupon, but then I remembered what happened the first time I ordered a package from them almost ten years ago. It was my first real toy and it came in a PADDED ENVELOPE! Anyone with half a brain could tell what was in it! My mom got the package before me and was like "Here's your mail nasty!" as she sat it on top of the TV lol. I wasn't the least bit embarrassed (hell she's caught me having sex before) but if that happened with my daddy? I WOULD DIE!! I'll refrain from ordering no matter how good of a discount I can get until I am CERTAIN that the packaging will truly be discreet lol.
Natedogg mentioned his "pic" again today. I think I insulted him. He joked about me showing my friends and I finally told him that the pic wasn't that impressive. I said "I aint bout to be showin nobody a pic of your flacid penis. That's not what makes our mouths water. What you sent is like looking at a medical journal" lol. All he could do is correct my spelling of "flaccid" lol. I added "no offense" after that lol. He then said that he'd send me a pic of it hard just to shut me up. Umm...I'm not the one who brought it up but ok. I told him do what you want to do, no pressure from me. What I really wanted to say was "Do whatever you need to do to redeem yourself" lol. He then said that he'd do me one better and let me grab in the week after next. OH.JOY. Pardon me if I pass up that opportunity. It's not big enough for no strings attached sex (yes there are size requirements for frivolous fornication) and he doesn't even know if he's circumcised!! In his words, "The doctors said I was, the records say I am, but I don't think so." HUH?!! I might let him kiss it though. Just a little one lol.
I started taking pole dancing classes. I've taken four so far and I'm not half bad. I catch onto most of the stuff pretty quickly, but it will be a WHILE before I look like HER...
That's the infamous Bunny. One of the instructors at the dance studio I'm taking classes at. She's my idol!! I've never met her or even seen her in person, but dammit if I don't wanna be her when I grow up lol. I'm even going to buy my own pole when I move to MD so I can "practice" lol. I'd buy one now, but I can't imagine setting that up in my dads living room. Please refrain from making jokes about how my dad is a freak and he'd understand and be all for it!
Remember the chick from my first run in with my dads more "adventurous" side? Well she's got a boyfriend. A live in boyfriend. She's ALWAYS had this boyfriend. She's had him for 15 years. Daddy, why are you messing with some other man's woman? And then he complains to me about how she's always callin him and he told her before the holidays that he probably wasn't going to speak to her until after the holiday season because it was family time, she said she understood, but continued to call everyday. Now he's annoyed and thinking about cutting her off for good. W.O.W. Gangsta. But I think she was here the other day. I came home and there were two glasses in the sink. One had lipstick on the rim. Smh...at least I didn't come home early this time.
I asked my dad to fasten my bracelet the other morning. It was a Christmas/birthday gift from his soon to be ex-wife (a Tiffany&Co round tag bracelet, God bless that woman, she's a keeper!) and it's a lil snug when it comes to fastening it. So my dad says "Man you got a big wrist." Enter blank stare >>here<<. "Gee thanks Dad! That makes me feel really great!" he responded "That's a compliment!" Ok. So right about now is when I'd normally ask "In what country?!" but I think I know the answer to that one already lol. Friggin Nigeria! Daddy you been here long enough! You know us black women have been brainwashed into trying to live up to the European standard of beauty! Telling your daughter that she has a fat ass wrist and cankles is NOT cool lol!
I think my new pick up line is going to be "Do you have change for a dollar?" I was downtown and in need of change for the meter and both guys I asked hit on me. The first I asked specifically because I thought he was cute. He didn't have change but he gave me a quarter. As I was walking to feed the meter, he came back and asked for my number. I obliged him but was a lil, just a lil, mortified when he gave me a BUS SCHEDULE to write it on because he didn't have a cell phone. And judging by the well worn bus schedule, he didn't have a car either. He called me later that night and he's actually a really nice guy with a GREAT phone voice (I just LOVE a good phone voice) but this dude got too many "Aint Gots". He aint got no J.O.B, he aint got no A.P.T, and he aint got no C.A.R.! (50 million points if you know what movie that's from lol). In his defense his current situation can be attributed to him being in the process of starting his own business, but when you line all the facts and figures up, it aint looking good. I haven't talked to him in a couple days but I think I'm going to call him. My future exodus from Philly is probably the reason I'm even considering it. The other guy, well MAN, gave me his business card after finding a store to get me change with his own money. Very sweet and very smooth the way he did it, but it should have been considering he was like 65. If you aint got cha game down pat by then, you may as well hang it up! But, sorry Charlie, your older than my dad so NO DICE.
WANTED: A new crush. 28yo SBW seeks cute boy to fantasize about. You don't have t to be available, but occasional interaction would be nice. Must induce giddy laughter and giggles whenever we make eye contact. Butterflys optional. Inquire within.
I was going to order a new water proof toy so I could take it in the shower with me because solo missions in my bedroom in the middle of the night kinda suck. I'm convinced if my dad woke up he'd be able to hear the loud ass humming of my vibrator, so the shower should provide good audio camouflage lol. I was on the Adam and Eve site because I had a coupon, but then I remembered what happened the first time I ordered a package from them almost ten years ago. It was my first real toy and it came in a PADDED ENVELOPE! Anyone with half a brain could tell what was in it! My mom got the package before me and was like "Here's your mail nasty!" as she sat it on top of the TV lol. I wasn't the least bit embarrassed (hell she's caught me having sex before) but if that happened with my daddy? I WOULD DIE!! I'll refrain from ordering no matter how good of a discount I can get until I am CERTAIN that the packaging will truly be discreet lol.
Natedogg mentioned his "pic" again today. I think I insulted him. He joked about me showing my friends and I finally told him that the pic wasn't that impressive. I said "I aint bout to be showin nobody a pic of your flacid penis. That's not what makes our mouths water. What you sent is like looking at a medical journal" lol. All he could do is correct my spelling of "flaccid" lol. I added "no offense" after that lol. He then said that he'd send me a pic of it hard just to shut me up. Umm...I'm not the one who brought it up but ok. I told him do what you want to do, no pressure from me. What I really wanted to say was "Do whatever you need to do to redeem yourself" lol. He then said that he'd do me one better and let me grab in the week after next. OH.JOY. Pardon me if I pass up that opportunity. It's not big enough for no strings attached sex (yes there are size requirements for frivolous fornication) and he doesn't even know if he's circumcised!! In his words, "The doctors said I was, the records say I am, but I don't think so." HUH?!! I might let him kiss it though. Just a little one lol.
I started taking pole dancing classes. I've taken four so far and I'm not half bad. I catch onto most of the stuff pretty quickly, but it will be a WHILE before I look like HER...
That's the infamous Bunny. One of the instructors at the dance studio I'm taking classes at. She's my idol!! I've never met her or even seen her in person, but dammit if I don't wanna be her when I grow up lol. I'm even going to buy my own pole when I move to MD so I can "practice" lol. I'd buy one now, but I can't imagine setting that up in my dads living room. Please refrain from making jokes about how my dad is a freak and he'd understand and be all for it!
It’s done. It’s over. Fin. Finito. Finished.
The Friend: i think it comes from me saying i coulndnt see her last weekend
The Friend: because xxxxxxx is staying wit me for a lil bit
Mahogany Brown: well you know how we feel about being told no
Mahogany Brown: so yall are back together?
The Friend: but i told her the truth i didnt lie
The Friend: and no we not back together but i'm not going to carry it
The Friend: nah
Mahogany Brown: that makes sense
Mahogany Brown: you're not going to carry what?
The Friend: her mom kicked her out over a big argument and she had nowhere else to go
The Friend: the way things been going though we probably will though
The Friend: either way she still need to hurry up and find another damn place
Mahogany Brown: oh ok
The Friend: carry her and have another female up in there
Mahogany Brown: understandable
The Friend: i mean folks may know whats good but no one wants anything rubbed in their face
The Friend: i know i dont
Mahogany Brown: true
I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to talk anymore. My fingers were numb as I continued to engage in small talk about my relocation plans. My mind was racing as I went back and forth about typing simply “I can’t do this.” Finally, I just decided that I didn’t want to feel the way I felt in that moment ever again and the ONLY way to prevent that was to end it all. Here’s the remainder of our convo…
Mahogany Brown: you know if I wasn't sure before, I'm certain now...And there you have it. The friend and I are officially no longer friends. Believe it or not, I feel good about this. I FINALLY did something for ME with no regard for some man and it didn’t take me being dragged to hell and back for it to happen. Not too long ago, I’d have sucked it up and tried to stay his friend all in the name of this great friendship he’s convinced we have. I’m done with that. I realized that I end up in situations far too often where they are looking out for self, I’m looking out for them and no one is looking out for me. I just won’t fly in 2008. Sorry but that's SO 2007 and played out like “Kwame and them f’in polka dots” © Notorious B.I.G. lol
Mahogany Brown: I can't do this.
Mahogany Brown: I don't think we can be friends and it makes me sad.
Mahogany Brown: as much as I want to
Mahogany Brown: as much as I miss you
Mahogany Brown: as much as I want you in my life, I just know how this will go and I can't do it again
Mahogany Brown: I'm am nauseous thinking about the fact that you and your ex are almost back together
The Friend: i dont know what to say
Mahogany Brown: and I'll feel like this anytime you mention another woman
Mahogany Brown: I just know me and I know that I'll always have feelings for you that are more than platonic
Mahogany Brown: there's not much I can do to dead them. Sorry I'm not like you.
The Friend: i understand, i guess
Mahogany Brown: I want things to be different
Mahogany Brown: this is so jacked
Mahogany Brown: so
Mahogany Brown: f'd
Mahogany Brown: up
The Friend: i'm sorry i didnt mean to stir nything up
Mahogany Brown: no need to apologize because the truth of the matter is this was something I've ALWAYS known
Mahogany Brown: the minute we went from being "just friends" I realized the jeopardy that put our friendship in
Mahogany Brown: I can't compartmentalize my emotions
Mahogany Brown: I've never been good at it
Mahogany Brown: I just hoped that it wouldn't come to this
Mahogany Brown: I just don't want to end up like that chick you mentioned earlier
Mahogany Brown: settling for your friendship because I can't have anything else
Mahogany Brown: holding on, hoping you'll change your mind
Mahogany Brown: when you've already made it up
Mahogany Brown: that shits a miserable existence
Mahogany Brown: I've done it three times before and I have no reason to think this time will be any different
The Friend: i'll dead it here and if you ever feel the need holla...................i dont want to cause anymore hurt or whatever, no need to explian anything
Mahogany Brown: bye
I wish things could be different, but the simple fact of the matter is, I refuse to take his friendship as the consolation prize. I don't want it. Its just not that valuable to me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
